Safe

Throughout my life I have stumbled across many obstacles. These obstacles make me either grab on tight to God or push me away. I struggle with periods of constant pain from my Crohn's disease and never knowing when my next flare-up will strike takes it's toll on me.

I recently went on a retreat with my college age ministry and this retreat focused on identity. This topic really helped me refocus on God and my faith. I often get caught up in my school work and health problems that I forget that God is in control and that he has a plan for my life. I may not understand what is going on but he will always lead me in the right direction and will provide me with strength and hope.

After a weekend filled with discussions and worship I felt a peace that I had not felt in a very long time. Someone told me that I will not always have all the answers of why these things are happening to me and why my body fails me so often, but that God is in control and he has a plan. He will take care of and will provide me with strength and hope when I feel like I cannot carry on. When I suffer he is right there next to me, comforting me with his endless love.

A passage that we focused on at the retreat is Psalms 139.

"O Lord, you have searched me and you know me.

You know when I sit and when I rise;

you perceive my thoughts from afar.

You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.

Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely.

O Lord.

You hem me in -behind and before;

You have laid your hand upon me.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.

Where can I go from your Spirit?

Where can I flee from your prescence?

I go up to the heavens, you are there;

I make my bed in the depths, you are there.

If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea,

even there your hand will guide me,

your right hand will hold me fast.

If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,"

even the darkness will not be dark to you;

the night will shine like the day,

for darkness is as light to you.

For you created my inmost being;

you knit me together in my mother's womb.

I praise you because I am wonderfully made;

your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place.

When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

your eyes saw my unformed body.

All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!

How vast is the sum of them!

Were I to count them,

they would outnumber the grains of sand.

When I awake,

I am still with you...

Search me, O God, and know my heart;

test me and know my anxious thoughts.

See if there is any offensive way in me,

and lead me in the way of everlasting."

This last part of the Psalm is what I am going to try and focus on. I want God to lead me in the way that he would like and I need to trust him completely. I need to trust that he has the best intentions for me and that he is always by my side.

I focus on songs during the difficult chapters of my life. The song that has really connected me to God and given me hope is Safe by Phil Wickham.

"To the one whose dreams have fallen all apart.

And all you're left with is a tired and broken heart.

I can tell by your eyes that you think you're on your own.

But you're not alone.

Have you heard of the one who can call the raging sea?

Give sight to the blind pull the lame up to their feet.

With a love so strong he'll never let you go.

No you're not alone.

You will be safe in his arms.

You will be safe in his arms.

Cause the hands that hold the world are holding your heart.

This is the promise he made.

He will be with you always.

When everything is falling apart you will be safe in his arms."

God has blessed me with many things. Wonderful family and friends who offer support and encouragement everyday and the chance for me to live my life for him.