My Story

Life has given me many obstacles and bumps along the way. Things never seem to come easily for me and I am never a normal case. But through all of these trials and tribulations I have learned how God's strength can hold me up and help me persevere through the difficult times. God has also given me His great love, joy, and hope. This is my story of how God found me at one of my lowest points of my life and lifted my face up to see His wonderful light and love.

In high school I believed that God had created me to run. I thought He had blessed me with the gift of running and that I was supposed to shine for Him through my success in running. God had different plans. I made it to sectionals as a freshman and had a good chance of making it to state but at the sectionals meet my legs began to ache and this time during my race the pain did not numb. I later found out that I had a bad case of shin splints and a tibial stress fracture. Even with this obstacle I was still convinced that this was what I was meant to do. My sophomore year of high school I went out for track again only to learn three weeks later that I had a tibial stress fracture in my other leg in the exact same spot. I was crushed and was lost. Running was my identity and I could not figure out why God would take this away from me.

I believe that God was preparing me for other losses and opportunities that I would need to miss out on in the very near future.

My junior year of high school I started experiencing rectal bleeding. The doctors could not figure out what was wrong so they told me that I was fine. So I went on living my life until I had a second occurrence. My doctor then later ran a blood test and found that my sed-rate was slightly elevated indicating that there was inflammation some where in my body. I was then sent to my wonderful GI specialist Abigail, who did a colonoscopy and found that I have Crohn's disease in my intestine but that it didn't look too bad. Everyone told me that Crohn's disease was such a horrible disease but I couldn't figure out why. All I thought I would have to do was take a few pills every day and everything would be fine. So I thought...

I had my first major flare up the fall of my senior year of high school. I began throwing up every night and I lost ten pounds in two weeks. I was so weak and frail. I thought I was dying and in a way I was. I was not receiving any nutrients and I was so pail. My family and I did not know what was going on. Crohn's disease was not supposed to do this. We soon discovered that my duodenum was swollen shut and nothing was able to pass through my stomach. The road to remission was very long and very frustrating. I made it through this season only by the help of God. Looking back I do not know how I continued to go to work, school and swim practice. It is miraculous to me that I even survived. God gave me the strength to get up each morning and do what I needed to do. For this I am forever grateful.

As time went on though I tested all of the different medications for Crohn's disease except for one. I became very discouraged and lost all hope because nothing was working. Why would God let me get this awful disease and why would He let me suffer so? Why wasn't He letting any of the medicine work? Why had He forsaken me? I had lost all trust in God and did not believe that prayer worked for my health problems. I became so angry and doubtful. I had thought that God had left me but one day I heard a message that turned everything around.

God had not left me, I had left Him. He was always there for me waiting for me to turn around and look into His magnificent face. He was there by my side, every step of the way. He was always giving me strength and blessing me in ways that I had not been able to see.

So with this first flare up I learned how great God's strength is and that He never leaves us. I also met my wonderful doctor Abigail and met a wonderful friend and mentor. My disease also caused me to stay close to home and go to Edgewood College. By staying in the Madison area I was also able to become involved with CAM.

As I continued to travel along the road of life I hit another bump. I began having constant pain in my stomach throughout my freshman and sophomore year of college, this led me to experience many CT scans, endoscopys, and a laparoscopy. No one could figure out what was wrong and my doctor told me that maybe this would be as good as it gets. This was a pivotal moment for me because I decided to ignore all that was going on and to live my life. But in the back of my mind I knew that something had to be wrong. This pain continued to grow more intense and made me feel nauseous and almost all food made me sick. My second major flare up had begun. The pain was so intense and constant that I believed that I was dying. I began losing two pounds a week and it got to the point where I was only ninety four pounds. I wanted to die and prayed that God would just take me home to be with Him. I couldn't handle the pain any longer and was ready to be done with life.

My doctor decided to change my medication to a weekly shot of Humira. My symptoms slowly decreased until they disappeared completely. The medicine led me into a long awaited remission. Unfortunately this last flare up that ended in January of this year left me with rheumatoid arthritis. This causes constant pain in my joints.

Through my second flare up I learned that God is my refuge and my strength. He also provided me with a community of friends that encourage and support me through my times of weakness. I had never had such a wonderful, supportive community. I was able to lean on God and I held on tight to him. Although I still struggle with the question of why me and why can't I be normal, He taught me that He will always hold me and keep me safe in His arms. He is my comforter and healer.

As I travel along this journey of life I will experience more difficulties but I do not have to walk this bumpy road alone. I know that God will be right there beside me and that He is in control. He has great plans for me and He will always provide. His ways are not my own and sometimes I may not understand why things are happening. But these struggles are used to teach me something and help me grow stronger in my faith. God is my rock and my strength. He is my foundation and I cannot be shake. He has blessed me in so many ways and I am eternally grateful. How awesome and powerful is He. Praise be to a wonderful God who loves His people. So as I take my next step in this journey of life I will remember and be thankful that He is right there beside me.

James 1:2-4
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."