My Story

Life has given me many obstacles and bumps along the way. Things never seem to come easily for me and I am never a normal case. But through all of these trials and tribulations I have learned how God's strength can hold me up and help me persevere through the difficult times. God has also given me His great love, joy, and hope. This is my story of how God found me at one of my lowest points of my life and lifted my face up to see His wonderful light and love.

In high school I believed that God had created me to run. I thought He had blessed me with the gift of running and that I was supposed to shine for Him through my success in running. God had different plans. I made it to sectionals as a freshman and had a good chance of making it to state but at the sectionals meet my legs began to ache and this time during my race the pain did not numb. I later found out that I had a bad case of shin splints and a tibial stress fracture. Even with this obstacle I was still convinced that this was what I was meant to do. My sophomore year of high school I went out for track again only to learn three weeks later that I had a tibial stress fracture in my other leg in the exact same spot. I was crushed and was lost. Running was my identity and I could not figure out why God would take this away from me.

I believe that God was preparing me for other losses and opportunities that I would need to miss out on in the very near future.

My junior year of high school I started experiencing rectal bleeding. The doctors could not figure out what was wrong so they told me that I was fine. So I went on living my life until I had a second occurrence. My doctor then later ran a blood test and found that my sed-rate was slightly elevated indicating that there was inflammation some where in my body. I was then sent to my wonderful GI specialist Abigail, who did a colonoscopy and found that I have Crohn's disease in my intestine but that it didn't look too bad. Everyone told me that Crohn's disease was such a horrible disease but I couldn't figure out why. All I thought I would have to do was take a few pills every day and everything would be fine. So I thought...

I had my first major flare up the fall of my senior year of high school. I began throwing up every night and I lost ten pounds in two weeks. I was so weak and frail. I thought I was dying and in a way I was. I was not receiving any nutrients and I was so pail. My family and I did not know what was going on. Crohn's disease was not supposed to do this. We soon discovered that my duodenum was swollen shut and nothing was able to pass through my stomach. The road to remission was very long and very frustrating. I made it through this season only by the help of God. Looking back I do not know how I continued to go to work, school and swim practice. It is miraculous to me that I even survived. God gave me the strength to get up each morning and do what I needed to do. For this I am forever grateful.

As time went on though I tested all of the different medications for Crohn's disease except for one. I became very discouraged and lost all hope because nothing was working. Why would God let me get this awful disease and why would He let me suffer so? Why wasn't He letting any of the medicine work? Why had He forsaken me? I had lost all trust in God and did not believe that prayer worked for my health problems. I became so angry and doubtful. I had thought that God had left me but one day I heard a message that turned everything around.

God had not left me, I had left Him. He was always there for me waiting for me to turn around and look into His magnificent face. He was there by my side, every step of the way. He was always giving me strength and blessing me in ways that I had not been able to see.

So with this first flare up I learned how great God's strength is and that He never leaves us. I also met my wonderful doctor Abigail and met a wonderful friend and mentor. My disease also caused me to stay close to home and go to Edgewood College. By staying in the Madison area I was also able to become involved with CAM.

As I continued to travel along the road of life I hit another bump. I began having constant pain in my stomach throughout my freshman and sophomore year of college, this led me to experience many CT scans, endoscopys, and a laparoscopy. No one could figure out what was wrong and my doctor told me that maybe this would be as good as it gets. This was a pivotal moment for me because I decided to ignore all that was going on and to live my life. But in the back of my mind I knew that something had to be wrong. This pain continued to grow more intense and made me feel nauseous and almost all food made me sick. My second major flare up had begun. The pain was so intense and constant that I believed that I was dying. I began losing two pounds a week and it got to the point where I was only ninety four pounds. I wanted to die and prayed that God would just take me home to be with Him. I couldn't handle the pain any longer and was ready to be done with life.

My doctor decided to change my medication to a weekly shot of Humira. My symptoms slowly decreased until they disappeared completely. The medicine led me into a long awaited remission. Unfortunately this last flare up that ended in January of this year left me with rheumatoid arthritis. This causes constant pain in my joints.

Through my second flare up I learned that God is my refuge and my strength. He also provided me with a community of friends that encourage and support me through my times of weakness. I had never had such a wonderful, supportive community. I was able to lean on God and I held on tight to him. Although I still struggle with the question of why me and why can't I be normal, He taught me that He will always hold me and keep me safe in His arms. He is my comforter and healer.

As I travel along this journey of life I will experience more difficulties but I do not have to walk this bumpy road alone. I know that God will be right there beside me and that He is in control. He has great plans for me and He will always provide. His ways are not my own and sometimes I may not understand why things are happening. But these struggles are used to teach me something and help me grow stronger in my faith. God is my rock and my strength. He is my foundation and I cannot be shake. He has blessed me in so many ways and I am eternally grateful. How awesome and powerful is He. Praise be to a wonderful God who loves His people. So as I take my next step in this journey of life I will remember and be thankful that He is right there beside me.

James 1:2-4
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

Indescribable

I am in awe and amazed by the magnificent and unimaginable ways that God works.
He created this beautiful world and every aspect of it. Just think how amazing it is that He created every person on this earth and each person is created so intricately and uniquely. How could someone so great care about such an insignificant creature as myself? How could someone so powerful and all knowing care and love for a soul that can be filled with evil and darkness?

How great is our God that He is able to transform our hearts and fill them with His awesome strength, love, hope, and joy. I am so grateful that our God is one who cares about the insignificant and the forgotten, who cares about the broken and the hurting, who knows the depths of every heart and still loves us.

God uses so many moments and aspects in life to show His unchanging and never ending love. Maybe He has revealed His love through a song or passage in the Bible. Maybe He has touched your heart through prayer or interaction with another person. Maybe He has exhibited His miraculous self by being present in nature or maybe through a action as simple as a smile.

Look for the small moments in life where God may be trying to portray His unconditional love. Listen for Him whispering in the wind. Feel how the Holy Spirit fills and warms the soul with joy and love like the sun warms the earth. Wait for His direction and lean fully on Him.

He created the universe and everything in it and yet He cares most about His people. Words cannot express the great joy that this brings me. If I am able to experience and know the One who provides me with such things, others must know this wonderful God too.

He is one that must be shared to all people. Everyone deserves to know such an awesome and loving God who will never forsake nor leave you. One who provides every single need for your life and fills you with such love and joy. God is the light in the darkness and we must shine for Him so others may be able to experience and become aware of His greatness. God does not need us at all, but He can use us and do miraculous things in our lives. God is amazing.

Indescribable

Chris Tomlin

"From the highest of heights to the depths of the sea

creation's revealing Your majesty.

From the colors of fall to the fragrance of spring.

Every creature unique in the song that it sings.

All exclaiming.

Indescribable, uncontainable,

You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.

You are amazing God.

All powerful, untameable,

awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim

You are amazing God.

Who has told every lightning bolt where it should go

or seen heavenly storehouses laden with snow.

Who imagined the sun and gives source to its light.

Yet conceals it to bring us the coolness of night .

None can fathom.

Indescribable, uncontainable,

You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.

You are amazing God.

All powerful, untameable,

awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim

You are amazing God.

Indescribable, uncontainable,

You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.

You are amazing God.

All powerful, untameable,

awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim

You are amazing God.

Indescribable, uncontainable,

you placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.

You are amazing God.

Incomparable, unchangeable

You see the depths of my heart and You love me the same.

You are amazing God.

You are amazing God."

Tired

This semester has been filled with trials and tribulations. My time has been filled, filled with homework and work. Filled with appointments and meetings. Filled with pain and confusion. I have been tested in so many different ways this semester. I have been working on trusting God with my whole heart and many obstacles have come across my path. I need a break. A break to rest and have restoration. A break to heal and have peace.

I must decide on one of two options, become overwhelmed with life or trust God and move forward. He will always be here, even when the road becomes bumpy He is here. He will make my paths straight. He makes this life bearable and encourages me to get up each morning and make the most of each day. He is a faithful and loving God who cares for His people.

Habakkuk 3:17-19

"Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior. The Sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of deer, he enables me to go on the heights."

So with God's awesome power and strength I am filled with such joy and encouragement through my sufferings. He fills me so that I may go out into the world and reach out to the hurting and the broken. He has blessed me and I yearn to help and put others first. He is my rock and my strength and I want to live for Him.

Live for Today

Natalie Grant

"Sittin' in my room staring at the wall

Wonderin' about the meaning of it all

Why is it this thing called life

Has got me goin' crazy

So I open up your word and let it speak to me

The purpose and the plan that you've designed

Is clear to see, and I believe.

I'm gonna live for today

I'm gonna follow in your way

I'm gonna let my little light shine

Like there's no tomorrow.

I won't worry about the past .

I know my future is intact.

So I'll choose to live my life one way

I'm gonna live it for today.

You told me not to worry

About what lies ahead

So I am gonna focus on today instead

Making every moment count and counting

Every single blessing

I'm gonna set my mind on the

Here and the Now

This is what I want my life to be about

And this is How..."

God of Justice

Tim Hughes

"...Jesus, You have called us

Freely we've received

Now freely we will give.

We must go live to feed the hungry

Stand beside the broken

We must go

Stepping forward keep us from just singing

Move us into action

We must go...

Fill us up and send us out

Fill us up and send us out

Fill us up and send us out Lord..."